Tell Your Story
I often write about the importance of listening and how I believe it is one of the greatest acts of kindness and love. To truly listen is to give the gift of our attention, our presence, and our heartfelt interest in learning more about someone.
Yesterday, however, I was reminded of the other side of that coin, the importance of telling your story. The opposite of listening, yet just as meaningful. And perhaps even more powerful when paired together.
My husband, my sister, and I were recently introduced to a new couple in our community, John and Siri. We were invited to their home for a short visit before dinner. From the moment we sat down, it was clear that they were accomplished, interesting,people. They shared stories about their lives, their history, and the paths that led them to where they are today. We listened closely, and felt genuinely curious.
Then John looked at each of us and asked, “What’s your story?” He was a skilledfacilitator. He seemed to know just when to ask the next person a question and quietly and attentively took in our answer. He created a comfortable space.
It turned out to be a beautiful exercise for all of us.
When it was my turn, I shared about my lifelong career as a math teacher, my work facilitating workshops, and my love for writing. It felt good to reflect and to be asked. Then my sister had her turn. She spoke about how she met her husband. Although I had introduced them years ago, there were pieces of her story I had never heard before, and I’ve known her my entire life! 😊 Finally, my husband shared his story, revealing a few things I hadn’t known either.
We all walked away from our short visit feeling very seen and heard. It was a good reminder of how important it is not only to listen, but to invite people to speak. To be asked matters. It tells someone, I see you. I care. I want to know you.
For Christmas this year, I gave my mom a card game called Tales. It’s a simple yet deeply reflective game filled with “tell me who you really are” questions that open the door to meaningful conversation. Questions like, “When do you feel most like your true self?” or “Who had the biggest impact on the person you are today, for better or worse?”
They created dialogue between us that was new and tender. It reminded me not to take for granted that we know all there is to know about someone, even when we’ve lived beside them for years.
Love lives in curiosity. And I think connection lives in questions. One of the most loving things we can do is simple. Just ask. “Tell me your story.” Show interest.
“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” – Tahir Shah
“Your story is the gift you were born to share” – Oprah Winfrey
“Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.” – Sue Monk Kidd
“Just ask questions. You’ll learn more that way than by talking.” – Paul Rand
Love and gratitude,