Legacy Letters
This past week I gave a friend a ride from the Bangor Concord bus station to Deer Isle. With more than an hour and a half together, we had lots of time to catch up.
She shared that she hadn’t been feeling well, and her mind was wandering to the worst-case scenario. What could it be? What if my life is cut short by a terrible disease? She was scared. I’ve written before about the power of our minds, and what the grip of worry can do, and… the truth that every one of us has a finite amount of time on this planet.
I also recently experienced my own health scare and found myself imagining the worst. Thankfully, for both of us, those fears proved unfounded. We each received reassuring news that we were going to be just fine.
As we rode together, I couldn’t help but get chills. Not only had we been in similar emotional spaces, but we had both emerged with good news. It felt as though we were sharing a new fresh lease on life, with a "born again" feeling.
Then Lisa used a term I had never heard before. She said, “It made me sit down and write everyone I love a legacy letter.”
Well! Let me tell you… it is one of the most beautiful ideas I’ve encountered in a long time, and something I believe we should all do!!
I’ve often encouraged people to stay connected to their own mortality because when we do, we live differently. A legacy letter is a wonderful way to put that awareness into a document that lives on and helps us see things from a different perspective.
Sometimes called an ethical will, a legacy letter is a personal message that shares the values, life lessons, hopes, gratitude, and love you want to leave behind. Unlike a legal will, which distributes possessions, a legacy letter passes on what may be our greatest gifts: wisdom, character, memories, and the meaning behind our life.
The tradition has ancient roots in Jewish culture and is now embraced across many faiths and communities. Writing a legacy letter helps us reflect on what matters most. Dignity therapy, developed by Harvey Max Chochinov, has shown that creating a written legacy can bring comfort, strengthen relationships, and preserve a person's identity and story.
Legacy writing experts encourage us to write from the heart, not the head. They suggest reflecting on questions like: What am I most proud of? What lessons have I learned? What do I hope my loved ones remember? What are my wishes for their future? What do I need to atone for? These questions help us move toward the values and relationships that truly matter.
Whether written near the end of life or at a healthy younger time, a legacy letter often includes expressions of love and gratitude, stories that shaped us, lessons learned from both successes and mistakes, things we wish we hadn’t done, hopes for future generations, and blessings for those who will carry our stories forward.
There are great sites online that can help you formulate this very profound document. Give it a try. I have already started mine! And I have the feeling we will all be grateful we did.
"Bequeath your values rather than your valuables." — Barry K. Baines
Love and gratitude,