Relationships
So much of what I share in this column reflects a kind of universal love, a love for our fellow human. And yet, how can we truly speak about the power of love without also honoring our closest relationships? What about the love of the one you have married or chosen to walk beside for the long haul? The love between parent and child, siblings, or dear lifelong friends? These relationships can fill us to the brim and at the very same time, they ask for resilience, patience, tenderness, and compromise.
I recently spoke with several people about what works and what doesn’t work in their committed relationships.
Ben and Carrie have been together for nine years and also run a business together. I asked Carrie how they make it work. She shared that one of the most important things they do is check in with each other on a regular basis asking, “How are you feeling?” They make time to sit face to face and ask again, “No, really how are you feeling right now? What’s going on for you?” They also prioritize regular date nights and have made a conscious commitment to leave their work life at the front door. Home, for them, is sacred space.
Martha, an 81-year-old woman, is in love with Lance, who is 87. It is a brand-new love. She lights up when she speaks about him. “It is so amazing to just be myself,” she told me. “I say what I feel. I do what I love. He accepts me just as I am, and I accept him as he is. We have so much fun. When you get to this age, you realize every day is a gift and it makes our time together so precious.” There is such sweetness in love that arrives later in life, when we understand how fragile and sacred time truly is.
We never really know what tomorrow will bring. Perhaps that awareness allows us to savor the moment more and to not take everything so seriously.
Juliane and Chris, who make music together and have enjoyed a thriving marriage for many years, shared, “At the end of the day, we are friends who care deeply about each other. We share the same values and beliefs and care about the quality of music we bring into the world.” Friendship seems to be the steady heartbeat of their love.
Here are a few more responses:
Listen and pay attention.
Forgive and let go.
Trust and be trustworthy.
Accept imperfection and remain open to learning and growing.
We will never be “everything” to one person nor are we meant to be.
Pause and listen to your children, they are often the ones with the greatest wisdom.
We can only show up as our best selves in relationships when we are kind to ourselves and practice compassion inwardly first.
A good long-term relationship allows space to breathe and grow and to be completely yourself.
Be open, be gentle and be willing to say you are sorry.
“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love - whether we call it friendship or family or romance - is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.” - James Baldwin
Love and gratitude,